You’ve got to spend money to make money. You’ve got to stop calling me ”honey”. 

Me: Mommmm I hate parties and people, I am just going to end up a lonely old cat lady with 500 cats.

Mom: Ur hilariour. I take it u dont like cats n i can put geppy down…

Well played mother. 

[Geppy is my first cat ever. I mean, she’s the first cat I ever got. I was three. She meowed outside our apartment window until we took her in after a while. When I was young n crying she’d affectionately head-butt me. I decided Geppy was my first real friend and/or potentially my fairy godmother. I did not know how to express this to my mom via text. Despite the fact she is now old and senile and definitely has not granted any of my wishes, I don’t want the cat to face a vet-induced death. Too tragic. Plus I’ve had like, 200 cats since Gepetto but they’ve all been coyote chow or victim to automobiles. Gepetto is a survivor. To put her down would be an insult to all the two-bite brownie coyote treats we’ve had over the years.]

Me: That would be murder. 

But for reals, I’m gonna be such a cat lady. Wanna hear all the cat’s I’ve had? (including kittens that my cats have had that we’ve given away…):
Gepetto, Ginger (incidentally a complete black cat and male… I think it ran away to Vegas to be a showboygirl, it had real identity issues), Scooter, Daisy, Cleo, Simba, Lottie, Rosie-May, Tiger-Lily, Blackie, Osama (don’t ask), Owl, Runtins (because it was the Runt, obvs. I gave it to my friend and she named it Ding Runtins McCat. I think it killed itself), Olley, and something else. Wolfie or something. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?? ONLY GEPETTO IS LEFT. SHE DESERVES TO KEEP ON KEEPING ON. 

Oh my GAWD my life has reached new degrees of tragic. 

I texted my cousin: WHAT WAS THE NAME OF GEPETTO’S FOURTH KITTEN?!?!?! Not Scooter or Ginger or Daisy, the other one???

We were probably 3 and 5. We’re now 19 and 21. I doubt he cares.

His reply: That was a long time ago? Drunk?

Now the real dilemma: Fake wasted or admit patheticness? 

Fake wasted, obvs.

I think my new life goal is to be answered on DearCokeTalk.

I need someone to verbally bitch-slap me into shape. 

the lineup goes up tonight!! sadly i am three hours ahead of good ol’ seattle, and therefore while you westcoasters are partying and celebrating i will be catching up on zzzz’s for my monday morning hell-class. 

here are my predictions:

Best Coast

Wavves

Cold War Kids

Lykke Li

Salem

Twin Shadow

Bright Eyes

Arcade Fire

Fleet Foxes again (?)

Sleigh Bells

Destroyer

Modest Mouse

Neon Indian 

Tame Impala

Wild Nothing

and a hundred obscure new guys i ain’t never heard of

It’d be awesome if some of the small guys were people I actually new. Like I’ve sorta been itching to see How to Dress Well again cause I just cant get over how bizarre he was. And it’d be awesome if Godspeed! You Black Emperor came because the dude I was supposed to see that with is undesireable concert company (not that I consider Godspeed! a small act… all three days are sold out in ma city!!!! I hope Undesireable hasn’t sold my ticket…) Also it’d be cool if Boy and Bear came, or Jay Jay Pistolet, but I feel like that’s a long shot. Who else? Fuck I’m excited. Oh, and maybe we’ll get Wolfgang or someone fun for the dance tent. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s gonna happen. Last year I was mildly unimpressed. I was stoked. But mildly unimpressed. This year I wanna be astounded. 

Coachella has Big Audio Dynamite. That’d be a bonus throw-back act. I’d be pretty fucking stoked on that. 

I saw said Idiot from my post ‘Wah” and I was right.

Sometimes seeing someone IS the best way of realizing you really wish you never had to see them at all. “Oh yeah, you’re only somewhat desirable in my head!!!”

Getting over Douchebags FTW! For. The. Win. 

C: I think it’s very likely that I am a man when it comes to relationships.

Me: Ugh, lucky. I am a wounded puppy on estrogen pills.

Sometimes my own hilarity ASTOUNDS me.

i think this girl lives my life, a little bit. i woke up next to my anthology for Departmental Survey of English Literature 2. i’m secretly hoping the book’s proximity to my head on the pillow will help me absorb information on some strange level, but really, it just provides a semi-depressing awakening.

whydoihaveablog:

It’s pretty depressing when your first thought in the morning is “I cannot believe some of the things I wake up next to,” and it’s not in reference to someone you met at a bar the night before, but instead a lampshade and 4 giant English anthology books. 

— Steve Almond

He has a pretty way with words.